Wednesday, April 28, 2010

RaNdOm ThOuGhTs

When I started this blog I wanted to write at least a few times a week.... well it's been 5 days.  Blogging is a healthy release of thoughts for me however it is also another thing I have added on my never ending "to do" list.
I found out today that my dog Grayce has flea's and I cannot explain the sadness and disgust that I am experiencing right now.  Considering it is almost midnight and the only thing I was able to do about it right now was bathe her in hot soapy water, clean her bed and put fresh linens in her bed.  I feel guilty, like a horrible parent.  Her skin is very sensitive but I assumed her skin was dry and itchy due to the weather changes.  I had my sister and brother in law look at her a few weeks ago and felt better when they agreed it was not flea's.  When I got home tonight I was playing with her and saw fleas, a few and like a normal momma I freaked out and immediately went to Google.  She will be at the vet tomorrow to get rid of this while I contract a pest control to service my home and lawn to prevent this in the future.  My poor baby.  ;(
On another note.....
I was given a pic of my sister, brother and I from Dec 29th, 2009 today from my Mema  I thought I was going to pass out.  I had no idea how much weight I had gained!  I looked swollen and just big!  I have lost 40+ lbs since then and my sister assures me that I am smaller than she has seen me in a long time.  I felt  so angry when I saw that picture.  I don't know who that person is, I see a lonely, sad woman that started to give up.  I am so thankful to the Lord, my trainer, my friends and family for all of the support and motivation they have provided me.  I am so thankful that God has given me the strength and courage to push past my fears and test my physical limits.  I am finally becoming the woman I knew I was and always wanted to be.  I hung the picture on my refrigerator as a daily reminder that I must stay in control of my life, what I eat and my workouts.  Life is all about choices and depending on the choice you make will determine your future.
I still want to lose another 40-50 lbs and I look forward to meeting that goal and the challenges that I will face to get there.  I can say that now I believe in myself and I want this more than I have ever wanted anything, and to be in control of my life is the best feeling.  Never give up on yourself, your hopes, dreams or goals.  You have to make wise choices, set realistic goals, stay positive, surround yourself with people that love you and will support you and motivate you and just be the best you can be one day at a time.
Below are pictures from about a week ago. My legs are really leaning out!

There are so many things roaming through  my mind right now.  I am not only ADHD but I am very analytical so I am always thinking, usually too much!  I bought a grill this past weekend and this house really feels like a home.  One thing I have realized lately is that God is working so hard in my life.  I am in awwhhh of the things he has provided me with.  There are days I get so upset that I am not with the man I want to be with right now, but I understand I am right where God wants me and I am at peace with that.  I am so blessed to be where I am, and I have to constantly remind myself of that.  I do not know what the future holds for me or what His plan is but I am letting go of trying to make things happen.  God has a purpose for me and His plans for me are so amazing that I cannot even fathom.  I don't know where you are in your life but I pray that you find peace in your life.  Let go of trying to control everything and everyone around you.  I am not going to worry my life away. Life is too short, so give thanks and make the best of what you have.

Thats all for now!     Ta-Ta xoxo- Laura

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